Cozy Flash: “Billable Hours for the Disputed Rights of the Chosen One”

The esteemed firm of Babbitage and Esqueaken is pleased to present Your Highness Alphonse I, Regent of the Hundred Isles, warlord of our glorious campaign against the known world, billable hours for your litigation against the pretender, the false claimant against your son, in the dispute of the named Chosen One of the Kingdom. All the legal documents were gathered by a pair of our finest paralegal officers, Albert Wendel and Timotheus Zhang, with the aid of Braddus the Second, our newest research intern.

  1. Copying costs for all legal documents: 1,309 pages at the three hands of our stenographer, Uldrecht the Abomination. 150 Florins.
  2. Train fare for 3 second-class seats between the Hundred Isles and the City of Learning. 60 Florins.
  3. 3 rooms for 2 nights at the Morning Glory Tavern and Inn, City of Learning. 90 Florins.
  4. One certified true copy, Prophecy of the Chosen One of the Kingdom, Registry of Prophecies, Signs and Portents, City of Learning. 20 Florins.
  5. One planetariumist’s report on the alignment of the stars on the birthdate of your son as provided by the Endless Orrery, City of Learning. 50 Florins.
  6. Dinner for 2, De Poulet Bouilli, voted #1 “Must Try” restaurants by QuestAdvisor, City of Learning. 80 Florins.
  7. Dinner for 1, Morning Glory Tavern, City of Learning. 4 Florins.
  8. Dirigible fare for 3, economy-class seats between the City of Learning and the Temple in the Clouds. 105 Florins.
  9. Airship pirate ransom insurance excess for ransoming out 2 paralegal officers and 1 research intern. 300 Florins.
  10. Temple fees for 1 human sacrificial ceremony for the Summoning of Lars, god above all and elector of the Chosen One of the Kingdom. Performed by Chief Priest, the RH Alcox. 200 Florins.
  11. Death gratuity for the family of Braddus the Second. 500 Florins.
  12. Urgent scrying session with the Chief Clerk at the Palace, for Palace employment records of one RH Alcox and Palace records of the Prophecy of the Chosen One. 15 Florins.
  13. Booking of the Honeymoon suite at the Grand Respite (voted #1 accommodations in all lands north of the equator in QuestAdvisor for 2 years running), Temple in the Clouds. 180 Florins.
  14. Submersible fare for 3, 2 economy class and 1 first class, for underwater transit via Greatwhale to the Hundred Isles. 129 Florins.

Total Payment due: 1,903 Florins. Plus prevailing tax of rate of 13 per centum, 2,150 Florins.

The firm offers our congratulations for the decision by Honorable Judge Feldstein the All-Seeing, avatar of the Goddess of Justice. The prophecy was correct, to the letter, in foretelling that the Crown Prince is the Chosen One. We note it was not within your original intent that our research uncovered the Crown Prince’s true parentage, nor that it be made public in the Courts. It must be of some comfort to Your Highness that these same curious circumstances appear to be fulfilling the famously oblique means by which the Chosen One saves the Kingdom. The firm regrets that we must recuse ourselves from acting for You in any other legal matters, in particular your request for representation in the matter of Your Dethronement, as we have been already retained by the Queen in the matter of the dissolution of Your marriage to her.

We further regret our inability to extend preferential payment terms to Your Highness, given Your time-limited access to the Royal Treasury. Let us know if we can be of service in any other way.

Babbitage and Esqueaken

— L Chan

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